[Tom London1Participant]

Not that exactly but it is very much similar to my experience of Cafcass. Under resourced. Under staffed. Everything is rushed through with little attention to detail. Reports are cut and paste jobs. In short they cannot do the job and are an agency in crisis. Government assigns them minimal priority and yet the family court judges pin everything on the reports produced by an agency in crisis where case workers are rushing everything through last minute. It is a national scandal how this agency has gone on for so long like this. 100,000s of children failed by an inept organisation.

[Tom London1Participant]

Fuck them and fuck that! Gross violation of your daughters rights and your rights.

Do not let them bully you. Write what you want to write. Write what your daughter needs to hear.

I get cards from my 9 year old that was stolen from me at a few months. We have not met in 9 years and she has been coached to believe that her situation is normal and not an act of abuse. I steadfastly refuse to listen to CAFCASS who would have me see her under supervision and if I only say the “appropriate” things.

I tell my kids that I think about them every day and that they were abducted. Nobody silences me.

[Tom London1Participant]

No problem I am in Aldgate all week on the last week of a 6 month contract. After that I am off on a well earned holiday in the sun.

Happy to suggest a venue and then anyone else who wants to show up can. I will come wearing an F4J T shirt.

[Tom London1Participant]

I did in England. Basic search came back in 1-2 weeks. Relatively easy and it cost £30-£40. No solicitors needed

[Tom London1Participant]

Marcin, good to see you here.

I am 9 years separated from my children. No contact in that time other than sneaking my son out last summer for the day.

I built my own support network. Guys I work with who came to me for help. Other fathers who are struggling. My best friend is a work colleague who lost his kids for 7 years but like me refused to play ball with the courts.

The depression and treatment is all a normal part of the experience but as pointed out your ex and her legal parasites will use it to beat you with. Try to keep everything off official records. Try to stay clean living but surround yourself with good people.

I am happy to meet up for drinks. I am back in the city of London for two weeks. More than happy to coach you through what you need to do in life.

Stay strong. Stay in control. Things will then work out.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by  Tom London1.

[Tom London1Participant]

You almost want her to pursue you for maintenance. To do so would be to name you as the father. Part of that process will be for you to agree or disagree. If you claim that you are uncertain (no man can be certain) then the CMS will go with a DNA test.

If the DNA shows you to be the father then I would go with an application to court. If she demands money then you need to demand contact.

[Tom London1Participant]

If the children have turned then sometimes it is best to create space. Last thing you need is conflict with your children.

I had not seen my son for 8 years. I caught up with him for a few hours last summer. He was overjoyed to see me. I explained I had done nothing wrong, that I was the one who tried to keep the family together and that it was his mother through the courts who kept me from seeing him. At 12 years old he knew enough to see it was his overly anxious mother who was the cause of his separation from me. He has been spared the years of watching animosity and feuding on the doorstep.

His mother took a Non Molestation order out because I took my son out for the day without her permission.

[Tom London1Participant]

Run a credit search. Find someone who is a company director (can be a one man ltd company). Then they list her as a debtor and give last known address. The online search company will then come back with new address.

This assumes she is paying bills or rent. If she is living with family or friends then you need to watch those addresses discreetly.

The courts in England will always allow women to run and not give details as to where your child/children live. They actively support child kidnap even when there is no signs of abuse. It just takes a woman to say she is scared and you are removed from your child’s life.

[Tom London1Participant]

Social services need a kick up the arse. “Uncle Roger” needs to be vetted just like you or I.

Time to turn the tables. False allegations. You need the tiniest bit of information on him and then start digging.

[Tom London1Participant]

Shit way to do it to you. How much warning did you have that this was coming?

Sorry the support on this forum is not that forthcoming. There are 100,000s of us out here who have had the same shit pulled on us. Children snatched without warning and the police just fail to take it seriously. Your heart is racing all day and you can barely function.

Right now you need to stay strong. Try not to respond in a bad manner. Surround yourself with good people which means avoid the legal profession. No mudslinging and avoid any involvement with the police even if they tell you they are trying to help and want to be your friend.

Come back here with questions and requests for support. Some of us can try to mentor you and get you through what is the worst moment of your life. For the next few days or weeks you need to sit quiet and do not respond in a bad way. Once the solicitors contact you or once your ex comes to you with demands let us know and we can give the best advice collectively. Ignore the legal profession. They will lie to you as they are doing to your ex in an attempt to worsen the situation so they can then extort money.

In short behave like a saint. Be holier than Jesus and then everybody will question why your ex is behaving so badly in stealing your children. Anything else and automatically as a man we are assumed to be abusive.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  Tom London1.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  Tom London1.

[Tom London1Participant]

I wish they would rephrase the marketing on the websites. It does give too many people false hope and discredits the organisation.

[Tom London1Participant]

I have done it for 6 years. My ex withheld all contact so I stopped the £100 a week I was paying for two children.

CSA initially put me on £5 a week, CMS it has changed to £10 a week. The ex goes mad with rage everytime I send the kids gifts from my latest holiday.

Morally it is wrong but if somebody is prepared to withhold children to spite an ex then why pay them? The mother makes 60k+ and owns a 500k house with no mortgage and provides everything the children need.

Invest the money saved to give to the child/ children when they are over 18 or as a deposit for their homes.

[Tom London1Participant]

The lying one would be the female police officer???? 🙂 No surpise there then.

Matt do your colleagues know you post on here? Somewhere your web browsing is being flagged up and your senior officers are being made aware. F4J is seen as an extremist group by the authorities. You posting on an activists forum could raise questions about your ability to do a Child Protection role. They will be worried about you grooming kids to become Fathers rights activists. If CAFCASS catch wind of it you will most likely see a negative report. Best to keep your distance from men who do not believe the bullshit spouted by Child protection professionals.

I spent 0 days with my children. Same as every other Christmas. If I went to their home your colleagues would assault me, detain me and then prosecute. Only crime I was ever convicted of was “failure to comply with a dispersal order” for failing to leave a protest in central London (totally peaceful and not antisocial).

[Tom London1Participant]

Merry Christmas Matt. I don’t envy you. Newly separated and away from your kids. It hurts this time of year. I am onto my 8th Christmas without my children.

The sad thing is your profession is the worst for family life and yet you will have been indoctrinated by your employer to just roll over and play the subservient but stupid male. Your ex and the legal profession will fuck you over because they know you are police and reputation means everything to you.

You are the biggest victim here. The rest of us who are outside the system at least recognise the bullshit.

Matt I am a contractor. Limited company. I work on many an NHS contract. Big NHS trusts. Hospitals, GPs and mental health. Despite being a tech guy the frontline NHS staff tell me I am contributing to society and saving lives. The A+E staff are happier to see me than they are with the endless stream of your colleagues who come in 3s with prisoners who they have battered and then need to seek treatment for.

[Tom London1Participant]

I absolutely loathe and detest the police. That has not come about from being a divorced father. It comes from being politically active. I am from the same area of London as Stephen Lawrence. Same age. The corrupt police cover up of a racially motivated murder is what opened my eyes to the police. They are not here to protect the people. They protect their own. They protect their own jobs by wrongly convicting fathers who are newly separated from their children and playing up.

It looks like Matt has come here with the purpose of trolling. Possibly he wants a reaction and then to use that as reason to close this forum.

Matt you and your colleagues knew what was happening in Rochdale and Rotherham. It is going on in 100s of towns. You choose to ignore children being groomed and statutory rape. You are under political pressure from lobby groups to go after biological fathers. Jimmy Saville got to rape and all your colleagues did was cover up for him.

You care nothing for women and children. If you did you would resign tomorrow. Problem is you have 0 transferable skills and would never make anywhere close to a decent salary doing an honest profession. So keep on falsifying statements to gain convictions and cover your colleagues arses. Scum.

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