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January 25, 2017 at 1:43 pm in reply to: Please help wife not allowing me unsupervised visits with my 8 month old daught #7362
If there is no court order then steal your daughter back.
Too much of this abduction of children by women going on
Solicitors are telling you that even though you have evidence of attempted murder that you should stay quiet?
Interesting. Maybe they will go to your ex’s solicitors once proceedings start and use it to extract an agreement in your favour. In return for not prosecuting she signs away the children.
Bailed means you are subject to an ongoing criminal investigation so for the moment you are innocent.
If you have evidence of attempted stabbing then go with it. It is the right thing to do. Too many men stay silent and then the courts punish us and remove our children. You can explain the delay by saying you had been frightened at the time of the effect the arrest and prosecution would have on your child but now that the child is being taken by the ex you need to speak out.
Be brave but speak out against violence perpetrated by women. Too many of us have stayed silent and then lost our children when the ex realises she can no longer physically abuse us and needs another outlet to break us.
Did they charge you? Could they claim you were in breach of the peace? Always worth putting in an official complaint with the police (they investigate themselves -IPCC comes later) but if you feel confident then just fire off an email to one of the many legal firms online who deal with damages from the police. They will quickly let you know if it is worth taking up.
With your ex’s false claims, just raise it each time with the police and tell them it is part of an orchestrated campaign of harassment/ domestic abuse. They should give you an incident number. Then ask to speak to them and ask them to prosecute your ex once you have a series of incidents. They have to take you seriously these days if you allege domestic abuse/harassment. Demand that the CPS prosecute.
No there is everything to stop the police from arresting you. Unless the courts have forbidden you from going to your daughters school or contacting her then they have no place intervening. Stay calm, do not get angry, no sudden movements and everything will pass off calmly. Remind them that it is a civil matter and they have no business laying hands on you or detaining you. Do not let the police get away with bullying you and unlawfully arresting you. When you are being given a bail notice you need to raise a complaint with the police. Demand then and there that you are given the paperwork to raise a complaint for unlawful arrest. If they insist on removing you from the station then just complete the form online.
Unlawful arrest, false imprisonment, assault, interference with property and anythign else you can add.
Yes you can stop the police from showing up repeatedly. I had them show up on multiple occassions once I had moved address. Each time it was to inform me that a complaint had been made that I had harassed the ex via email but that the police were not taking action but had to inform me. I raised this with my local police and said it was being used as a means by which to harass me and they stopped with the visits. I imagine they informed my ex that they would make no further visits unless she came up with something concrete.
Evidence of your ex admitting to stabbing you does not even need to go to the family court. Go straight to your nearest police station and let them know. It is attempted murder. They will then follow up with a prosecution. Any such prosecution or caution can then be used by yourself in the family court.
Stay calm. Stay within the law and then the police cannot touch you. Only once there is a court order can they intervene with your child/children unless you give them reason to believe the children are in danger. Relax and smile but stand up to any unreasonable requests.
Well for one thing the £30 stops just anyone from registering and then trolling the forum. Imagine the mumsnet reaction if they found out that the forum was free to register. They would quickly spam it out of existance.
Have to agree though. From the outside the £30 looked like it was buying into meetings, support and discussion where as in reality it appears to be going into the costs of running Fathers for Justice and keeping Nadine and others working and campaigning for the cause full time.
I went to the meeting with Team Galloway just off the Edgeware road in the summer and it gave me some reassurance. There was a small army of F4J people who look to be busy in the background. Not quite sure what they all get up to and was hoping to find out here but I think Matt and Nadine have done a good job of raising the profile of family court injustice and so I am content to donate towards the costs.
If what you post is correct then I would urge you to collect your daughter from school and take her back to her home. The mother needs to be the one to go through children’s services for contact. You are the better parent who is more stable. Take your daughter back to your home unless a court order forbids you.
I came to the forum expecting it to be a hotbed of political activism. People arranging protests, debating how to go about changing the law and offering support to fathers in court.
Best assistance I got when in court was wikivorce. There are a lot of legal professionals over there so post nothing that they can identify you by but otherwise it is the best place for free legal advice. I had a friend thank me this weekend for directing her there. Her whole divorce came through at £400 with them and she avoided solicitors and any arguments with her ex.
F4J seems to be good on facebook and twitter for getting the message out to a wider audience.
Yes the system is a joke. Women are permitted to lie with impunity and are enabled and encouraged to carry out abuse against ex partners. The magistrates and judges are all fully aware that the family courts are now a nonsense and have become a tool by which women can abuse ex spouses but they seem happy with the arrangement.
I was lucky in that I only ever went before district judges. They appear to want to cut out the worst abuse but their hands are tied by cafcass and the law. The first judge I ever went before even warned me that the last thing I needed was cafcass. He recognised that cafcass involvement would be a disaster for all.
Magistrates tend to be lightweights. They are too easily swayed by cafcass and emotional arguments. They do not always understand the law and just opt for the safe option. You might as well just put the child’s future up for a public vote. They are not qualified to make such decisions.
Come on people! This is a great opportunity to get the message out. Women protesting for equality and the right to abortion and we can show them that an even worse injustice exists. State sanctioned child abduction.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/38637889/womens-march-marks-end-to-couch-potato-politics
If there is no court order in her favour then I would be tempted to get your son out. Snatch him and remove him to NI.
Use everything you have documented here to argue that you need to remain the primary carer. Build a new life for the two of you in NI.
Any snatch would need to be well planned. You need her not to be present. Use a hire car or better still have a friend drive and get at least 10 minutes away before she discovers.
Border agency may get alerted but as long as there is no court order then you as a parent just need to say you are taking son to see grandparents. You will then be free to leave Scotland.
Once in NI get son established. Once court summons arrives you will need to appeal at a directions hearing in Scotland to have future hearings in NI. Argue that your son is now living there (hopefully you have had months to get him established).
Not sure what advice to give here but all I can do is give you my experience.
I dropped out of the system. When I moved out of the FMH I moved in to parents house (thankfully they could put me up and were not in the house for 9 months of the year). I then went over to contracting/freelance with a limited company. When the CSA then came knocking they could only look at my salary which was set at £472 a month which meant an order for £5 a week.
I shifted all assets and money into my fathers name or moved it into online share dealing through my company. Everything in stocks, electronic and hard to seize. The divorce went through and ex’s solicitors demanded half the costs, so I stumped up £600 to get rid of her, but with no financial settlement. For the two years running up to the divorce, I pleaded poverty and claimed to have lost everything on the stock market so they must have advised her that she would spend more in costs than she could ever hope to extract.
I am lucky in that my ex is from a wealthy family so the children do not go without. The law does not care though and if she had been able to she would have destroyed me. It is a balancing act. There are ways to drop off the radar and to reduce living costs but you know your ex will forever use that against you with the children. Feckless fathers are hated by society.
The police cannot uphold any agreement you have. It is a civil matter and not a criminal matter. What will happen though if things escalate and both parties want to take the child is they may step in and warn you that there is a breach of the peace and they will detain you or arrest you if you continue.
If it comes to a tug of war over a child in the street then the police will often favour mothers but they will also look to see who is being most reasonable and calm. If you can take female relatives (sisters, mother, cousins, whoever) it will help keep the police calm. Have someone filming as this will lessen the likelihood of arrest (police are all too aware that there is a record of an unlawful arrest).
Go prepared. Take people to help and have them in cars nearby in case things escalate. The police will try to intimidate you and talk you into releasing your child. Take friends and family, stay calm and insist on taking your son. Without a court order the police will have to back off from any standoff until someone turns violent or endangers other people.
The police refuse to recognise child kidnap by a parent until there is a court order stipulating who can pick up the child.
Stay as you are. Chances are the courts will give her more control. Give her the contact she wants but document everything and keep records of everything.
If you get a routine established with your son and the fact that he lives with you established then the courts will prefer to stick with that.
Now comes the bad part. Yes your ex can snatch your son at any time and not return him. She can move to a new property with him and not notify you. If she is planning to do this then one way would be to submit school choices without you knowing. If she pulled the snatch and new school thing off then the police are powerless. Nobody will tell you where your son is and what school he is attending. Unless you get an emergency hearing then it can be months to get before a court to challenge your ex’s abduction of your son. This is the worst case scenario but also the one that solicitors often encourage women to do. By the time you get to court a new status quo will have been set and the the courts will be loathed to disrupt your son again.
Child abduction by mothers is all too real. Prepare yourself but just be aware that if she gets the slightest sign that you are moving towards getting a court order then she will then have people advising her to go for the snatch. Try to keep her as a feckless mother and maintain the idea that she can just offload her son on to you but come and go as she chooses.
First off Well done. Congratulations you have managed to pull off something that most of us can never do.
Whilst there is no court order then you are free to do this.
If she has the determination and advice of the legal profession then her next move will be to take you to court to fix residency in her favour. At five years old your sons wish to live with you will not carry as much weight as if he was older but keep on as you are and you can push for residency or at least shared parenting.
What can you do now? Prepare for some dark tactics from the ex. You need to think several moves ahead and not to be taken by surprise. What happens now is absolutely crucial. If this goes to court then the “status quo” becomes all important.
The school are powerless to stop you picking up your son until a court order is in place. The staff will all now be aware that your son is subject to a dispute. Do not let them tell you anything to the reverse. You have parental responsibility and they cannot stop you without a court order.
So continue as you are. If anything fight dirty as your ex if she gets legal advice will be being told to lull you into a false sense of security and then to abduct your son (sadly all perfectly legal and many of us here learnt this the hard way once our children were snatched).
You really have to guess where your ex is going next. Think ahead. If she is going to escalate and try to snatch your son, then you have to also employ abusive tactics. Take your son and withhold him until you can get a court order in your favour. Make sure you are accompanied where possible. Your ex will allege violence or domestic abuse if she can and this can be a killer in court, so you have to behave in a non aggressive manner at all times. Get a Go Pro and film encounters.
Well done again. This is the most critical part of your life. Get through this with your son still living with you and you will have succeeded where millions of us fail.
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