[Tom LondonParticipant]

That is the thing. You have to be the one to stoop to those levels. Before the courts get to rule you abduct the kids (all legal, police will not touch you) and make sure the ex has no contact.

It is a vile system that rewards parents who put their own interests above those of the children.

My ex took the kids at half term. A week when it was agreed I would be off work, she just loaded them in a car and got the ferry out of the UK and then started making applications to courts in UK with children out of the courts jurisdiction. Police and border agency were notified and they stopped her at Dover but then said they were powerless to hold her.

Until the courts put an order in place you can run with the kids

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by  Tom London.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Both my children want to see me. Cafcass have interviewed the eldest and he has made this clear to them. The only one opposing contact is the mother who has spent 10,000s in blocking my attempts at contact. She shows up at court with, barrister, legal partner from solicitors,legal secretary from firm and then usually two-three relatives. I am up against a wealthy family who can afford any level of legal assistance.

Cafcass have gone along with every accusation and each time I have been hauled in, interviewed and gone through tests to prove my suitability to parent. It has cost the tax payer stupid amounts and no progress has ever been made. The ex has withheld all contact for 5 years.

The legal profession with the right financial incentives can bury most applications for contact with an endless stream of allegations until the status quo is that you are totally estranged from your children.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

There was never any further detail as to what “profound pressures” were. I underwent and passed psych tests but nothing was ever divulged as to ex’s state of mind. She just went into interviews with CAFCASS and into court and wept publically and it paid off. No one wants to see a woman in tears.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

The reason behind it as stated in the judges 40 page judgement:

“What is clear to me is the significant and prolonged distress these proceedings have caused to the Mother. The profound pressures that the proceedings have had upon the Mother was commented upon by Miss …… in both of her reports, and which pressure itself then impacts adversely upon the children of whom she is the primary carer”

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Judges tend to play it safe and go with the CAFCASS recommendation. If you want to deviate from that then you will need good reasons as to why the report is wrong.

Going to court for contact and custody sadly is not often the best route. The family courts remain largely toothless and most judges are cowards when it comes to ruling against the status quo.

From my experience the “Final hearing” was no different from the 6 others I self repped in. Went over the same issues. Ex’s barristers repeated email correspondence and allegations which were 5 years old. Both sides get allotted time to make their arguments. CAFCASS sat in, but they were largely irrelevant. The judge then adjourned the hearing and said he needed 1 month to go over evidence and come up with a verdict (he needed to write a long summing up to avoid appeal court overturning the section 91).

Go in relaxed and calm (take music and headphones to zone out whilst waiting). Do not respond to any attempts to rile you and argue your case. In any case most of this is out of your hands and down to which judge you get and their mood on the day.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Going to your MP or raising this with the ministry of justice is pointless. I had conversations with Simon Hughes’ staff after F4J urged people to email him when he was at the ministry of Justice. They were nice and sympathetic but they explained that politicians and the Civil Service cannot be seen to be interfering with the Judiciary. Judges and courts are accountable to no one. They are free to make up the law (the only person who is going to take them to task are the appeal court judges).

I would not be surprised if judges are open to persuasian by family relatives they know or contacts via other networks. If the media could run a few sting operations then they would probably unearth 1000s of stories of unethical judges allowing people to exert influence. It is worse than Saville but the coverup is that much more institutionalised and sophisticated.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Ask the police to accompany you as they will be the best witnesses. You may have to spin them a line that you fear violence from the ex and therefore you need them for your own safety but otherwise I say go for it and then change the locks.

Chances are though that she will take the kids away and then apply for an emergency order and the courts may then boot you out of your own home (it is okay to make a father homeless but you cannot do that to a woman). Run it past a solicitor.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Try not to be bullied into submission. I have had barristers raise comments that I have made online in hearings and have had them tell a judge that I had posted a picture on the “wall of shame”. As long as your conduct is otherwise reasonable most judges are going to just skip over it. They will not want to fine or impose a sentence on you for something so trivial. Just no full names and addresses and there is very little that can be pinned on you. Avoid using facebook or twitter which you can be sure your ex’s legal team will scour for any dirt.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Why use a blog? Legal professionals love putting together bundles and bundles of paper in nice folders for the court appearances. I just leave mine lying around and encourage people to read them whilst stating on the record to them that they are court papers and therefore confidential. Members of my family and friends who for years thought there must be substance to my ex’s allegations that I was mad and that she was doing her best to facilitate contact have now seen psych reports and her application to cease all contact and will now not even speak to her.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

CAFCASS will be able to see it. They get a full run down of everything. I have had even an on the spot fine (I said bullshit to a ticket inspector who said my rail ID card which was over a decade old was fake) brought up in court by CAFCASS.

Modern day Stasi. They have the powers to pry into every part of your life if you allow them.

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