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I just emailed you a copy of my C1A from my work email account.
I quoted Parental Alienation on my C1A – CAFCASS are very scared about PA and are still calling it junk science. Essentially, the current system promotes Parental Alienation and the courts are unable to deal with taking the blame.
Be sure to show how the children are affected. Once they get old enough to voice their own opinion the courts will just do what they say. I wish I had worked harder to keep some sort of communication with my kids and just rely on them reaching out when they got older.
I knew nothing of PA way back when but the fallout if for all to see. The shame is the kids wont realise the issues until they are most likely adults.Harry,
There is not much you can do. If she gives birth and does not give your name, then you will have a battle on your hands. If, she does give birth with your name on the birth cert then you have a financial issue without guarantee of being in the child’s life.
Paying her rent/bills and maintenance with hope of being part of the child’s life is a hard road. I think you need to ask yourself if all of this sounds fair for you and the unborn child? Not sure what else to say…
dfaulkner,
This is a tough situation for two reasons.
1) Mediation is between two people (you and your ex) it sound like your ex may have consulted a mediator or someone who just knows the system. Ignore this and focus on your daughter. Your ex is entitled to make a change to an order in which your daughter is effected. Take this to court ASAP!
2) In the eyes of the court your daughter is almost of the age to have her “wishes and feelings” heard. This means that your daughter is now calling the shots, or will soon be able to in the eyes of the law. The issue with this is Parental Alienation. The Nan and mum are clearly trying to change the views of your daughter against you and you must do all you can to keep her attention. Google Parental Alienation and give it a read… also NEVER lose contact with your daughter. Once you are out of the way completely, you may be gone forever. been over 10 years for me.Try and speak to your daughter directly and always smile and be happy. Perhaps having her visit with a friend if she doesn’t want to come. You need to be careful!
This is not a good situation but the law supports the kids views… fingers crossed!
Simo,
it is important that you keep the money and kids as separate things. Fire your family solicitor and settle the finances first… your ex WILL use money against you and the kids.
Represent yourself in family court and you will have better control with more money in your pocket. If there is already a hearing schedule established you do not need to fill in a C100… you can just act in person (write a letter to the judge). There is a shed load of guidance about the C100 and it is not a difficult form to fill in. Let me know if you need helpThe CMS is a different beast. Your ex must have gone to the CMS ages ago and set that up because they do not retroactively get funds – they can only act from the time your ex filed. So, the CMS is all evidence based and you can appeal! Your ex will use the CMS to break your spirit and take everything – the longer the court goes the more money gets wasted and lost. I’ve been there.
If you are not divorced and there is no order preventing you from seeing your kids or wife, then you can just enter the house and take your things you know. All assets belong to married partners equally.
If your solicitor is helping then keep them (and if you can afford it) but you need to be involved in every step vigilantly.
You need to file a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) to stop the kids leaving the country… There is a good section on this forum. And good advice all over this forum.
The system is horribly corrupt and you are only getting started. My ex just refused the orders and the court was powerless. Slowly, my ex learned that she could just ignore the orders or rulings. days, months, years and now a decade has gone by and my children know nothing different then Mum is sad and dad is BAD! Welcome to the new Britain.
we do need to stand up again soon and make some noise – it wont change by the way it is going.
haydn day,
It is crazy how much this is similar to my story. First thing first, FIRE YOUR SOLICTOR and represent yourself! Then dig in for a long fight – but at least it wont be expensive.
At this stage the only thing I can say is dispute all allegations as best you can (one at a time) and play on the fact that Mariam is also suffering because of losing her sisters. The court must know the pain and suffering they are causing all the children by separating them.
The contact centre is a double-edged sword and be careful when it comes to Mariam seeing them in this situation, only you will know what is best. But, I personally think they are in more harm there than almost anywhere.If you want to chat about it let me know… There is not magic answer and every county is different.
P.S. be wary of CAFCASS and only speak about the harm it is causing ALL your children. Never mention your ex if you can help it. A bad CAFCASS report can stick with you for a bit and can also change the judges perception of everything.
Good luck.
ScottStanley,
I am not sure how she can block your c100? Give good evidence to say the children are being harmed by not seeing their father…There are a couple trains of thought here: 1) focus on your boy and en enjoy all the time you can. Fight the non-Mol order as strongly as you can by addressing each allegation one at a time. it will go away eventually. 2) Fight fire with fire and call the police when she is stalking you. Make sure you have the visitation agreement in writing and lock tight. If you followed her, what would happen. Perhaps this might work.
Only you will know what your ex is like but be ready for everything – has money come into it yet? you may have some leverage to negotiate here?
October 27, 2017 at 3:21 pm in reply to: Advice in combating the CMS- Company Director Self Employed ie No Wage Slips #9293You are not going to be judged on this site, BTW.
How have they assessed you? If you have no income then how can you pay anything? They wont go for cash in the bank if they don’t know where the money is… And actually their powers only stretch so far. You need to call them ASAP! perhaps apply for job seekers and send them the paperwork.
They use info from other government agencies but the bank will only give them info about specific account number, and that is only after exhaustive attempts to get money (I have not actually known anyone who was stung this way but they claim it).I would also suggest never giving the CMS more information then they need. The facts are : 1. You don’t have an income 2. you cant afford to the amount assessed when you were working 3. You need to change the amount you pay to be incline with your income
The law says you pay a percentage of your income not a percentage of your savings or gifted money or child-threat cash or anything else.Perhaps we should talk about this – I think you may have a case for a refund.
Check out http://www.csahell.com
James,
http://www.mckenziefriendfamilylaw.com/family-court-matters/Check this out – this will be the steps they have to take. Your phone interview is the first step but almost everything will snowball from it.
There is no actual antidote for CAFCASS as they move in mysterious ways designed to remove children from their dads. I can nly suggest this you do this:
Focus all letters on the children and not on you or your ex. They need to see reasons why it is bad for the children to not see their father – also – how the false allegations will lead to Parental Alienation down the line which will destroy the children when they are teenagers. The only way to combat PA is to have shared parenting or VERY meaningful relationships with both parents.CAFCASS will assume your ex’s allegations are true because: the current system has to believe everything the resident parent says because they will have the biggest effect on the child. in simple terms and as it was explained to me…
CAFCASS “If the mum is not respected then the children may suffer – if we don’t respond to the allegations then the mother might just disengage all together and the children will suffer”
ME “That just gives the mother carte blanche to say and do what she like”.
CAFCASS “Yes, but she cant hurt the children”.
ME “But she is hurting the children by not letting them see their father”
CAFCASS “Lets see what the judge says”My mistake was not stopping this in the first instance. Zero in on why CAFCASS have said what they have said. There must be something in it. You can also complain and appeal with them, but it may not be the way to go. It is possible that the judge will know the CAFCASS worker and be aware that they are incompetent.
My CAFCASS Office is in Lincoln and they were pretty nice but sadly inefficient. Also remember, even if CAFCASS take your side, the mother still has to agree.
Johan,
The facts is the norm is every other weekend and a possible day in the week an SRO has to be agreed by both parties. In my case , my ex would never allow shared parenting because she would not get the CSA/CMS money.I should have gone for this with my ex BEFORE she and permanently split and there was not other order in place. For 99% of us an SRO is a dream.
October 25, 2017 at 8:27 am in reply to: C1A – is it worth filling it out? – parent alienation #9284Let me know if you want a copy of mine…
Court is much cheaper than mediation. And the first step is mediation anyway…
Keep in mind, mediation is a business just like everything else and they love repeat customers. You can simply say that you can afford mediation any longer.
The age of your son is important here – if they think that you will say something bad about mum then they will suggest you don’t see him alone (although she is free to destroy your character all day everyday).Simply say that the relationship has progressed and it is time for us to make our own decisions for the good of the child. As your son gets older knowing his parents for meeting in a mediation centre will be more damaging than meeting in a park or at a play centre. There is no right answer or question, but you must never speak a bad word about your ex! leave that for this forum…
I tried many years ago and failed. They told me it had to do with residency… but, it never hurts to try!
October 25, 2017 at 8:11 am in reply to: Social Services and Children Contact – Whole story and need advice. #9281Hello Indiandad,
Sorry to hear your story but it is a very common one.
Here is what I think, having been through the exact same thing (but my children were much younger).While you are settling the financial stuff you need to hold fire and chill. Focus on not getting screwed financially – you have contact with your kids, although it is only by phone and video, it is meaningful. The social services stuff will run it’s course and eventually the children will be old enough to voice their own opinions. You did nothing wrong and just have to let the system catch up to the reality of the situation.
Sounds like your ex is going to hang on to the allegations for a while still and DONT let this change any financial or visitation decisions. My advice to make sure you separate the money from the kids! they are not the same thing and your ex will use one against each other make sure she gets everything.The Social Services must have some sort of evidence to suggest you need to do the course?
Also, NEVER use a solicitor for family court – if you go this route.
Another thing: it sounds like there are larger family decisions being made too. Is there a way to have you two families discuss the situation in both of your absence? Sometimes being off of the battle field make the decisions more clear?
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