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Tom,
There are a couple issues here. CSA and visitation are not connected is any way. Ok, I think we should probably talk about this as there is a lot to say. [email protected]if you are not on the Birth Cert and have a restraining order then your chances are very slim for visitation. Unless the mother agrees outside of court.
Not sure why you are paying the CSA if you are not on the birth Cert? I assume you accepted that you were the father and they have just gone for it. They are evil beyond compare…Let me know if you need help.
Jim,
Money is attached to the child – so if you leave the house and the child then you are cooked. The best case scenario is to have your ex leave and the child to stay with you at the house.
In actual fact you could take your daughter and change the locks, then site domestic violence and refuse visitation or access to the house. This is a very risk strategy but one Mothers do as the default setting.You know your ex better than anyone, so play it cool and lets hope she doesn’t start making false allegations.
If there is an on going case, you can just write to the court saying the order is not being followed. They will either suggest the correct form (depending on where you are with the case) or accept your letter and give it to the judge.
If you have already had a “Final Hearing” then you may have start all over again.
The system is evil.
Just so you know I paid about £60,000 and no closer to seeing my kids. I strongly recommend representing yourself.
Nick,
Assuming you are on the birth cert, then you have every right to keep contact with your child’s school and get reports and such. Even attending parents evenings and events (obviously this might become sticky dependant on the mothers influence).
passing messages through the school is more difficult… I have never known a school to do it. But, best of luck and remember they have a legal right to inform BOTH parents.February 12, 2018 at 7:31 am in reply to: Divorcing parents could lose children if they try to turn them against partner ! #9708One might suggest that if you have to go to court to see your kids, then the alienation has already begun. We all know it exists and is more rampant than most people think… But it is the proving it that is difficult.
Been trying for 10 years.My only advice is to hang on. the longer it goes the less money you will both have to split in the end. Eventually it will give but you are right to stay in the house. If you leave the house then you will lose it and the kids. But, on the other hand you and your ex need to recognise the damage you may be causing the kids (and this would be BOTH your faults and not just yours – no matter what she says).
Does she have more money than you – is this your fear? It is never easy to go through this but millions of us have and survived.
Children visitation is a whole different thing and I would never use a solicitor for that. Settle the money and house first and then discuss the kids. Try your best to not do both at the same time…
January 16, 2018 at 7:54 am in reply to: HELP PLEASE!! is there advice for new ones? i have no idea where 2 start #9604Wow. First step is to find your daughter and get her safe.
Couple thoughts here and only my advice: There are quite easy forms to fill in to get Legal Aid that do not require a solicitor. There are many areas of the GOV.uk site that give guidance. It is only a simple form with landlord details and the like.
Your bigger issue is getting your daughter safe… Since you don’t have a court order (anything stopping you from visitation or custody) you can simply go and take your daughter and use all the evidence you have collected to support your action. Please tell me you have kept records of everything including her abuse towards you.
There are ways to find someone through the councils and doing a credit check/search.
Hey Andy,
The court order puts you between a rock and a hard place. You have to abide by it but she does, if she has a reasonable reason not to (or in real terms – doesn’t feel like it).Clearly, you will need the passport details to buy flights and for other possible bookings. It is more than reasonable to ask for the details and if she has already agreed to overseas travel then the court will assist.
Speaking to them is better than nothing. They will get older and eventually push the mum into doing the right thing. 4 and 7 is the new 12 and 15.
good luckCAFCASS’s report will probably be the end all be all for the court. Sadly, there are no rules to how court works so I can only give you advice.
Be yourself and focus on the kids. Never speak badly about the mum unless you are quoting the children… Mother learn that alleging DV is a quick and easy way to get rid of you. Smile and be clear if you are asked a direct question about it.I will assume that there will have been an exact instance of when you did something. CAFCASS may not be interested in that – they may only be interested in the impact on the kids. Also, be weary of what the impact of the false allegation has too. This is the biggest con in whole system. Even if Mum has lied about abuse and anything else, if the kids think it may be true then CAFCASS will have you deal with that as if you are guilty. Catch 22
Best of luck.
The only advice I can give is hang on and be strong. Never lose contact with your kids and be positive during ANY contact you currently get.
The mum is legally able to refuse contact and you just need to be strong.Don’t worry about her small little threats and petty insults as they mean nothing. Court will appear to make orders but they really don’t mean that much unless your EX believes it. The fact that your ex has not gone to mediation probably means she has been given some advice from a mate or an anti-man website.
Best of luck.
I had the same thing. I made an appointment with the head and visited… for my other daughter I was able to do it by email.
Your passport and the child’s birth certificate is the only legal requirement to get school records. They would need to produce evidence to stop your request. The school has the right to tell the mother of your request, but should only be a courtesy.
It is against the law for them to refuse your rights as a parent without showing the evidence. I am happy to call them for you…
Hey,
We are all in the same boat. This is the law as it stands and nothing has changed…I suggest trying to make a plan with the mother directly and NEVER expect court to make a positive impact. Even if the court does make a decision against the mother – she can just say NO. Sadly, you are like the rest of us and you need to thin outside of the box and look for a way to appeal to the mothers conscience.
The system makes us pay all the money and stroke the mother ego for basic visitation rights. Then when the children are older we are not allowed to have an opinion on the terrors the mother has caused every one.
This is very close to my story (ten years for me).
Not much you can do accept wait and see what happens in court. This is the system unfortunately.
You can try and find her by running a credit report like a landlord or an estate agent does. I assume you know here NI number and other details like DOB.
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