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March 5, 2018 at 9:50 am in reply to: Anyone experience of false domestic violence allegations? #9870
I won every court case but the mum simply said no. Visitation was never observed and eventually the kids were old enough to speak for themselves. Which sealed my fate.
Don’t assume the court judgement will end the matter – mum can and might just ignore it. The court is quite powerless to do anything. Unless they appoint someone to represent the kids. if you get that opportunity then jump at it!
March 5, 2018 at 9:43 am in reply to: In need of help as went to court and been given supervised contact which is righ #9869Just keep up contact any way you can. be there for your daughter and never let her see you angry. She will remember you that way… which aint good.
perhaps you and your ex can agree to a person to monitor your visitations? maybe there is a mutual friend of family member? That can be much cheaper and convenient than a visitation centre?
Contact me [email protected]
I will help anyway I can.
Hello,
this is quite a sad story! But, honestly not that different from hundreds of people on this site.
My opinion: First step is to represent yourself in the family hearings! Family court is ramshackle and corrupt – there is no point in paying a crook to steal your money and have actually no idea what the judge will say.
I assume your ex has a family solicitor now too?You need to separate these issues and don’t let one influence the other. The allegations should have ZERO effect on the financial hearing and settlement and don’t let them sway the result. Divorce is no blame but she will use the child as the crutch to get the house and more, there may be nothing you can do about this… the parent with child usually gets the bigger payout. And a woman with the child usually can take her pick. brace yourself. If you left the house and the child with the mother, then there will be adjustments for that in the settlement.
Family Court is the only option you have to see you boy unless you and the mother agree between yourself. representing yourself is easy enough and there is loads of guidance on the subject (you may have to try mediation prior to starting a case in court). Your solicitor wanted you to wait until the family hearings are over before you try anything with the false allegations – some may say the family hearing may never end? I have been in the courts for over 10 years without a result because of the mum.
I personally don’t agree with your solicitor. if the mother has broken the law then you are expected to pursue it. She has damaged your reputation and this is something you need to fix… this is your call but it may be a leverage tool to use down the line. Do nothing and you risk your ex not being afraid to do it again. Only you know the true ins and outs of this allegation.
In regards to seeing your boy or maintaining a relationship. I would (and this comes from more than 12 years of fighting for visitation) make sure you never lose contact and agree to see him any chance you get. Talk on the phone, Skype or what ever is needed to keep you in his thoughts. Parental alienation is the next step for your son once he loses contact with you… Do not hold out for a better deal when it comes to visitation. The longer you go without contact will hurt you having meaningful visitation down the line, and your son can easily be manipulated to hate you if he does not have contact. My kids were simply told I did not want to see them – even though there was an active court case for visitation. One my girls turned 12 they told the judge they did not want to see me. and that was that.
The press? Sadly, the press probably wont care. Please let us know if you get a national newspaper or media outlet who will care – there are thousands and thousands of very similar cases which just go unnoticed and would love to get there story out too.
This is just my opinion and other may have different advice.
Hope this helps.
Well, there are only a couple options (which is really one option). You need to get her agreement for the visitation and even if you go to court this still requires her agreement.
I must a couple questions: if she was abusive why does she have the boy? And, I assume you contacted the police when she assaulted you.
It all comes down to evidence.
The CMA can demand anything as long as the case was opened by your ex… I was hit for a few years of arrears after the CSA took ages to respond. I was paying my ex directly, which she said was not for the child maintenance and I had to pay it all again.A family based arrangement works too if you have one. You need to address this ASAP and nip it in the bud. Once they running you will need more evidence and proof that it is unfair.
You need to get an account summary from the CMS to see what dates they are talking about and then get your evidence together. It is common for mothers to wait years and years before going back to get cash. they wait until you no longer have the evidence and proof of an agreement or as soon as you meet a new partner, so she can ruin your life.
the CMS are an evil organisation designed to separate us from our kids. let me know if you need help. [email protected]
Steve,
The name is irrelevant actually. the school by law must release reports and records to both parents. All you need to supply is your ID and proof that you are the father. the very fact that the mother accepts you as the father to the school is evidence enough for them to comply.This is also a huge issue to the court – but there is a catch. if the child is know with a certain name (even though you don’t agree) then it may be damaging to change it back now. Your wife is evil.
My children have different names at school then they do on their passports. Nothing I could do once it was done. this is just another way the system is broken!
this really sounds like something for the IPCC https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/
make sure you do not accept a ‘local resolution’.
Yes.
Ultimately you and your ex will have to agree with any order – but go back to court asap as soon as she breaches the order. hopefully she wont learn that a breach means nothing …
March 2, 2018 at 11:51 am in reply to: Anyone experience of false domestic violence allegations? #9842Hi Battleison,
This is very common thing and we are all in it together. False allegations are the back bone of every angry mother. As long as she is the resident parent then any allegation made against your partner (or you) will have to be disproved in court – but even then may not mean anything. Court is just guidance and even if you get visitation, you and I both know that she will make that difficult until eventually she has more allegations and you start all over again. I’ve been going through this for 11 years and now the kids were asked for their opinion by the court and they have decided they don’t need a father.
this is the system.I suggest you continue with court and hope the mother gets tired. the relationship with the kids is the biggest thing to worry about and never let them see you unhappy. Mum will undoubtedly be poisoning their little minds against you. Never pay a solicitor to ruin things and take your money… and never think that things would be better if you had a solicitor, it wouldn’t be nay different except you would have less money.
As a woman you have more power than us to make a change to this horrible system. please help us make a change … the UK is miles ahead other European countries in regards to fatherless homes and miles behind in regards to women in engineering and technical roles. I believe there is a connection to the fatherless homes.
my ex does not work and hasn’t since 2002 – and this is my daughters only role model. BTW, I have been paying CSA/CMS for more than 12 years like clockwork.
This is a new one for me. I would attend and get as much info as you can and share it for other members of F4J.
I would also attend to make sure they are aware of the PA issue in your family and see what they make of that. Challenge them to see how totally ridiculous this course is.
I hope your kids can see through this and get back to being part of your life. PA is no fun and your kids are old enough to make their own decision to the court. lets hope they are not already poisoned for ever.
I guess the thought is: the CMS is part of the DWP and they just get all info from the same department. I am not sure how they get your other details?
You hearing? is that a tribunal?
The CMS told me what to pay and do a yearly update.
are you saying there is a way to actually complain about the CMS to someone who will care?
This has been something I have been wondering about too. The 2012 changes, I think made allowances for the changes in Europe and made mitigations for it. In other words, I believe that any European changes will make no difference to us? I hope I am wrong…
I think we all agree that the CMS breeds hated for the paying parent and separates children form their parents. If only a human rights/Class action suit case could be open but there is not a lawyer in the country who will tackle it.
Simply – the less you see your child the more you pay. This is itself is against human rights.
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