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My situation never changed. My ex is pure evil and my children now alienated good and proper. 10 years and counting.
Ok, do keep in mind, you may lose all visitation if you go to court. And even if the gives you anything less than 50/50 she may just ignore the order. Don’t expect court to solve anything. On the other hand, your ex may be stupid enough to observe the judges decisions – this is your call.
I suggest trying to work with her and make an agreement for 50/50. But, try and make it wooly so you can change it when you need to… what I am saying is to make her think that she is in control but she isn’t. suggest that the agreement means the weekends but the 50/50 is there so you can “babysit” during the week if she needs you too.
Has she tried to screw you for money yet? Most mothers are aware that 50/50 means less money from you… lets hope she is thick.
Honestly… take the hour a week and try and build a dialog with your ex.
Taking her to court may be what you have to do but don’t think for one second that it will change anything. two children under the age of 2 years old will give you little chance of anything other than what she prescribes, with a court order not.I would ask if you are sure the second child is yours…
Gents,
This is the system and obviously there needs to be change.But, you must never stop seeing your child even if it is for two hours a month.
As we know, things do probably get worse when we attend court and mothers don’t have to look far for ways to lie and manipulate the system. In fact, mother actually learn on their own that he court is fangless.
Suicide is the number one killer of men! Have a look in your GPs waiting room for pamphlets and posters on the subject… nope, they are not there. Now have a look at how many posters have women on them … and how few actually address men’s issues at all.
Yup – we are here to stay barely alive and feed the CSA/CMS.Sean,
What can you do is the question? Court is not that expensive – look into it. But, the mediation can take a bit of cash is she chooses to string it out.
Any chance you can communicate directly to the kids? they are quite young but it may be worth trying to have meetings with their teachers and get involved with school functions? she cant stop doing that… and it also brings you into the picture – for when they get older and have social media and other way to contact them.
Think about the long term.CAFCASS can be hit and miss. But over all this is a good thing , it sounds. The idea is that the guardian will act for the children because the mother is unwilling. Sounds good, huh? But, CAFCASS can be a very strange beast indeed and draw conclusions from out of know where and often get confused between cases and write some very dodgy and haphazard reports.
There are a million Dads on this site who hate CAFCASS, me included. But, I must say that at this stage this is a real step forward and lets hope they stay on your side.
Once CAFCASS make a decision it is very hard to over turn. Smile, be friendly and try your best to focus on the kids needs and not the Mother. The mum will probably start to conjure up some choice allegations for why they should not see you. Simply refuse them as ridiculous and move on. Don’t get hung up on small things and push for CAFCASS to speak with the kids if possible.
hope this helps.
Kate,
This is a very sad story indeed and one may of us are familiar with. Its been 10 years for me and paying the CSA/CMS for over 12 years.There are a few options you can take… Court is always there but it sounds like the kids will make there feeling known to the judge this may not be the solution.
Perhaps trying to reach the children covertly on Social Media? start slowly and work up to a conversation about them and if they need anything? it is possible that they are just scared of the situation and not scared of you… Parental Alienation is horrible and coupled with prejudice the kids may not have a fighting chance until they are older enough to stand up.In regards to the CMS, if you own a limited company can you not be more creative with your income?
Well, sadly the only option is mediation and or court. Is this something you are considering now?> and …are you looking for advice.
there is plenty in the forums about which forms to fill in.
CSM would not get involved??? Well, done! That is one for the books… Just make sure you double check that.
Hope you get something decent from the home sale. Good luck mate!!
I totally agree 50/50 means equal time.
It is a shame that she has seemed to figure out the courts are useless and may only ruin your visitation. I wonder how she came to the conclusion of £60 a week? If there is no court order then you should not be paying any maintenance?
Let me get this straight… you are paying HER mortgage?
You are totally right to have the agreed visitation with your kids and is there a way to negotiate the money issue to help you see them more often?
Has she contacted the CMS yet (that you are aware of?) Paying the mortgage or giving property is not child maintenance and there is a slight worry that you may get double dipped like I did.The CMS can use the records they are given in regards to LTD companies. Paying the recommended maintenance is very decent of you – as many people might have creatively reduced their dividends to zero.
The powers of the CMS are slightly better then the old CSA rules – I want to keep this question alive because I know there are a few people who can tell you exactly what to do.
have a look through the old posts from about 6 months ago… there a was a lot of chat about it. I don’t want to give you bad advice but I don’t think they can if your accounts are lock tight.March 16, 2018 at 8:28 am in reply to: HELP – Court on 9/04/18 – PRISON TERM LIKELY for Non Payment of £30pw! to CSA #9974Abat, Amen to that…
Not sure if society is ready to recognise these kinds of freedom fighters as heroes just yet. As a side note, I was sent dozens of complaints when I pointed out the problems with the CSA and Family Court on a local radio station – and I have now created my own station, awaiting an OFCOM frequency. But, the broadcast laws are so wooly – I may never be able to bring this issue to the forefront as a community issue because of broadcasting rules. But homelessness, and poor bus routes seem to be the ok.
But, I am ready to help in any way I can.
Immediately send a letter to the court. This is a breech and the court should act, but I must say that this is probably only the start of the problems to come.
Court is not a forceful as you think it is and she may just ignore the judgements or stretch their meanings for years to come. Do try and make an arrangement with her in some way.Is there a way you can use money? Sadly, despite all the hard work by millions of decent women, many single mothers can be bought still.
Have a look at the guidance for court on the forum. Mediation will be the first step before you submit the C100. then you are off to court – But, I guarantee you will lose visitation while waiting for the court.
If you are seeing your son, then this is the best thing for both of you and don’t gamble. this ‘friend’ of your ex sounds like a bellend and hopefully will not be around long. And always remember to smile when you are with your boy, even if they are around. This is the one thing I wish I did when I saw my girls – now they only remember me for being miserable and sad (which my ex has manipulated into angry and mean).
Let us know how it goes and hopefully you and the ex can continue the visitation without that idiot getting involved.
March 14, 2018 at 9:28 am in reply to: HELP – Court on 9/04/18 – PRISON TERM LIKELY for Non Payment of £30pw! to CSA #9966The CSA/CMS is an archaic organisation that sets women back decades and assumes that women will earn less than men and almost assumes that the mother will not work after separation. My ex crafted children from a couple partners to maximise her income and not have to work ( I hope she is investing the money because the kids are almost adults – although she will stop them from going to Uni so she can collect more money).
Sadly, the court will probably not care about lies or the rights and wrongs of the separation. it will focus on the law: and the law says she has the right to CSA money and does not have to tell you, nor give your details to the them. It is ALWAYS the fathers responsibility to pay it through them… and that visitation has nothing to do with it and nor does any money attached to the visitation events. Be careful to not make this look like you are worried about money – although you are!!!! This is about the kids and their ability to see you and benefit from your fathering.
Sadly, your ex has the right to swindle you and I hope it works out. I got your back no matter what happens.My first thought is that you would have gone through tribunal over the amount and would be able to show you don’t make any money with clever accounting?
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