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Yup. You have nailed it on the head. The system is designed to remove fathers from children’s lives and make then cash cows. Breeding for profit is another possible outcome.
the real issue here is that the CMS are incapable of being in charge of something so important. Time and time again they prove it.We need to have family court and finances agreed at the same time with the same judge. We need penalties for mothers and father who do not abide by the order. We also need gender neutral analysis of each of the parents finances to make it even.
You are in a better position to make change than all of the men on this site put together. Please help!
The CMS will only move to Collect and Pay if the Ex can prove you aren’t paying the right amount or grossly late. This is also something you have the right to appeal (after you do a mandatory reconsideration).
The CMS usually use both your bank statements as evidence. Don’t let this cow ruin your day with gossip and innuendo…
As a woman (assuming you are a woman) you have a better chance of helping to change this injustice for fathers. Ultimately, it the women who are left alone and without skills when the CMS money stops.
Hey New Dad,
It is all about Parental Reasonability. The Parent with responsibility has the right to do what they want. Mothers automatically have it but a father must be married at the time of the birth to get it. You can be on the birth cert and technically not have Parental Responsibility.
In a nut shell, YES – she is acting within the law (now you know why F4J exists).
Passports and other things will all come from the Birth Certificate, so you are probably right when you say they will apply for one. Also, mediation is just a discussion between the two of you and she may or may not attend. If she says you are not the father, then there is a long road to prove it and if you do that does not mean you have rights (other than to pay 1/3 of your salary to her without visitation). There are court choices to prove it.You need to make an arrangement with her about it. Try your best to talk openly and without solicitors. And be mindful about the law… even if you win in court you can still be the loser.
She will want you in the birth cert if she wants to extort you for money – but then again she can still prove you are the father and destroy you without it.
Not my area of expertise – but I am answering to keep the post alive.
Come on guys, help this dude out with some advice!!!!
It is, but I cant see the CMS using it as fact if there is other info that contradicts it. You can always say it was not you or you were drunk?
I think more context might be needed to give a real answer. If your ex is having to use recorded conversations to get cash then it sounds like she has done something wrong – as the system is easy enough to get cash from you!
Get used to it. There does not seem to be any plans to change it…
The system is designed to separate fathers from their kids and push mothers into a life of benefits. Britain is some of the lowest statistics for women in executive positions, engineering and other leadership roles in Europe. Why work when the system is designed to keep you happy.
I think the long term effect is exactly what we have now – millions of fatherless kids and underpaid/skilled mothers. Well Done Britain.
April 9, 2018 at 7:07 am in reply to: Alienation.. how do i combat it and what rights do I have? #10118Hey Kingj,
Welcome, but I am so sad to hear your story – it is very much like many on this forum!My gut is telling to say: suffer your Ex and try to make an arrangement between the two of you – court will only separate you more.
I went the court route without trying to agree something first and I did not see you kids for 4 months. Then slowly I saw them less and less – and eventually they disappeared all together.Court is not enforceable and is only a suggestion for the mum, she can simply refuse it or any order without punishment. So many dads come onto the forum thinking that it is like a normal court or like something you see on TV (or Judge Judy for that matter). It isn’t – it is a false reality that is all bark with ZERO bite. Family court can cause more trouble in the long run…
This as a side note, don’t EVER lose contact with your Daughters. They need a daddy more than anyone else… parental alienation has already begun by the sound of it – so stay strong and always smile when you are with your girls. As they get older they will remember how happy Dad was!
good luck and let me know if you need a chat. I have been there …
April 9, 2018 at 6:53 am in reply to: I have done what the court asked and now I feel I am in no mans land. #10117If you have an agreement to pay him, then there is little they can do other than take you to court. I think that any judge who sees that you have been sticking to the original agreement would throw out their case. Even if you lose in court you can show your financial situation and offer a new payment plan…
Suggest £50 a month if taken to court. The only people the court hates more than Dad’s are Solicitors demanding money.
I can only wonder why you hired a solicitor for Family Court in the first place – they are the quickest and most expensive way to lose your kids.
April 9, 2018 at 6:34 am in reply to: I need advice on how to have my name taken off the mortgage I shared with my ex #10114This seems like a straight forward thing for your solicitor to have you removed from the deed? I was swiftly removed from the deed when you Ex swindled me for we all owned. You can go back to the court that issued the agreement (or was it a consent order?) and enforce…
it sounds to me like your ex can always be bought and let the house go to free yourself to fight another day.
Mattarmo,
I am late to this conversation, sorry about that.Many of us are no longer shocked when we hear stories like yours. Your solicitor was dead right about it – if you didn’t get 50/50 then nobody would. The entire system rests on trying to not make MUM angry… she could have easily agreed with 50/50 and the court would have accepted it. Mums play hardball because, socially, they know they can. They also know that they can cry wolf dozens of times and ‘society’ will accept it because they are a woman. We live in a sexist society that thinks it is helping women to get leg up (no pun intended).
One thing that surprises me is that you did not previously know about the system. Having a background in Safeguarding and Child Protection, surely you have come across many narcissistic Mothers or alienated children. Family Court is by definition the first steps of Parental Alienation.
Your ex wife may start the Psychological attack on your young ones. Please be on the look out. There are some great resources for PA and your ex maybe start to do it without realising she is damaging the children’s confidence.
Keep us posted on what happens and thanks for sharing your story. It may not feel like it to you, but this is a good news story for most of us.
You need to be strong! Your kids need you!
Get as much video evidence as possible and document everything. Start with social services and see if they can open a case with your evidence. They may ask why you have left your kids with an abusive parent????
Is there an order in place? The first thought was to take the kids next time she is drunk like that and get them to your parents house! And video everything!
if the kids are not safe with her then you need to act. Once there is a court order in place then you are screwed and the system will slowly destroy the situation. If you have custody then she will have to take you to court…If you are drinking – STOP! your kids need you.
Marc,
If you need help with court going forward – contact me – [email protected] I can share my story and offer advice.Well, I think the solicitor is milking you! So he wants to wait until all the information comes in then start a long winded process to protect the kids? Time = Money to solicitors.
Get divorced ASAP, settle money as a priority and let the child issues work in tandem. You have custody of the kids (and hopefully the tax credits and CSM case open) and do not have to let her anywhere near the kids! Stop caring about her or you will be screwed later. The system is designed to remove Dad’s from the children – you must do everything you can to stop that from happening.
I cant believe that you are even considering letting her see the kids and work her way back into your life. Family court and divorce court are NOT the same thing and do not intersect.
In simple terms if you were arrested for child cruelty, the kids would NEVER see you again but you would still have to pay child support until they are adults (or 20 years old and not in education). It is your call but I think you are making a huge mistake with a solicitor and hanging around waiting for her to get “better” and take the kids from you.
I am not a step mother, but am a step father and this is a really key problem you are in. it is not that similar to my wife’s problem with my ex. me commenting will keep this post alive for now until a Step Mother can give real advice.
But, there are a couple trains of thought from someone who only knows the male perspective:
1. Just do what she says and let the issue get worse for the short term. The child will grow tired of it and eventually rebel.
2. Agree to it all verbally, but really just ignore it as its not on the court order. tell her what she wants to hear and then do what ever the court order says. The mum will undoubtedly stop visitation until the court can sort it.In a nut shell you (and your husband) will have to eventually make an agreement with the mum. She holds all the cards.
The mother will eventually hang herself if you give her enough rope. It sounds like she is losing control of her daughter (and has already lost control of you and your husband). This is a desperate attempt to control the situation.
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