Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
Lee,
Sounds like you have a ripe one! We have all been there mate. Keep your chin up.
But, its time to start protecting yourself with video and what ever else to make sure there is a record of collections and drop offs.
Court is the only option to try and make something stick – but that is your call!!!Abat,
This is the system. shame.You have the right to be more forceful in court, ya know. don’t let them push you around. Focus on the kids…
The court is afraid of mothers and very afraid of mothers with representation. The judge is using the barrister to do their job and assumes that the barrister will write what was agreed. You must sense check this and strongly suggest that the barrister is fabricating the judges directions – if the barrister does not correctly write the order, then you have the right to contact the court for another hearing.
This is all you can do – at this stage.
Smokey’s advice is good stuff – listen to him!
Also, I ma glad you are making plans to get your things with the police – try and video what you can if she is going to be there. She just might say/do something choice.
Hey,
all this is good stuff – but she is not on trial (if anything you are). You need to focus on the kids well being and don’t let this look like an attack on her or it may backfire.
I’ve been there – done that.Parental Responsibility has nothing to do with DV in this respect. You need to push with them to get access to this medical records. You have the legal right to care for your son!!! One may suggest that a fathers influence might help with his mental illness.
Do you know his GP – this may be a route to get to CAMHS as it is part of the NHS.They system is so biased against men it is unreal.
June 4, 2018 at 7:20 am in reply to: Does my ex have rights to know exactly what I am working all the time? #10551m22,
there is a lot here. You need to separate the issue of visitation and maintenance. They are not connected anywhere but in the mind of evil mothers.
I have never once told my ex when or where I work – or even how much I make. If I am up to date with the CMS then that is all, legally, she needs to know.
Separate these issues and don’t let her control you.
Is there a way for you to give her your rota weeks in advance? on the other hand this does sound like the tail wagging the dog… shouldn’t the children come first and your work schedule be suited to their needs? think about turning this on its head if you can?
I am not sure if this is advice or just pie in the sky thinking?
Legally no… but if your daughter does not have a passport (or it was stolen or needed a renewal) and you were to apply. Who would know other than the Passport office???
My ex went to Peterborough and managed to come out with a Passport for my step son with a different last name than his birth certificate. So it can be done.Make sure you leave the door open for negotiation at every step – this process is not fun for anyone but if she is a true narcissist then she may actually like court.
We are here to help if needed.Good luck and don’t ever think that reason will prevail. Make sure you speak with someone who has actually been through family court… it is not like a normal criminal court!!!!
Sean,
This is a fucked situation. Your ex is an evil evil bitch! But, believe it or not there are many like her and a few of the fathers on this site have experience…Ok, first thing. Separate the police from the child visitation. They are linked but not entirely… the police will never make assumptions about visitation and a false allegation (long forgotten by the police) can haunt you in family court for years if the mum wants.
The fact is -if the child is not in care – the mum can just let you have visitation and you two can agree what ever you want. Sadly, I think I can safely say that your ex is not telling the truth.The Section 47 may actually be a good thing… It should reveal a lot of facts, but sadly most will probably be about you and may possibly protect the mother as she is the care giver. If you are given a chance to give your allegations make sure that you do – and do it directly to the police – not solicitor to solicitor (this may just go back and forth between them at a cost).
The Section 7 Cafcass report is another biased and ridiculous tick box exercise done by bleeding heart do-gooder desk jockeys who think mums are gods gift and fathers are maniacs. They will run through check list of welfare criteria that will uncover nothing and will most likely give credence to any allegation mum has made in the past. CAFCASS think that mums allegations are relevant, even if they are untrue and unreliable – if the mums feels they are true then they will report them as they are fact. In my case it was one full page of allegations and three pages of the police/court/social services evidence showing she is a liar. If only CAFCASS had just written nothing of the allegations, we could actually start talking about how much damage the children are taking from this whole Court process.
It looks like she has had you removed by the police to get the house and is now going to try and strangle you with visitation for more money and control.
The divorce is an issue to – the mother could choose to decide visitation after the divorce is absolute. So get that done.
Have you called social service yourself and reported her for endangering children? Fire with fire!
Also, the police will try and settle your complaint with a local resolution – don’t do it! they will send a slick negotiator to “help” you with your statement – be careful and stay to the facts and keep focussed on the real villain (your ex).
good luck.
Happy to chat about this if you need it!!!!!
June 4, 2018 at 6:28 am in reply to: Travelling – address – paperwork – using solicitors after all? #10546There is also an option of getting a post office box somewhere near the kids? But getting to it is the issue. I am pretty sure that scanning and emailing post is not gonna happen. Maybe other pot companies do that – ie Mail Box etc
A solicitor is the most expensive option – if friends cant do it then I would go with a McKenzie Friend service – I know others have used them.
Living off grid is honourable and is probably driving your ex insane – if only I could do it.
Hey,
Settle down and get yourself ready for what may come. She can accuse you a million times and eventually something will stick. Even if you prove her as a liar a million times she will still make accusations. The court will make a loud bark but there may never be any bite. Prepare yourself.Just fight them one by one and make the kids the centre of the everything. You only want what is best for the kids and not to discredit the mother, right?
You cant make this a tit for tat. Let her hang herself and simply rise above. But, do protect yourself by videoing and recoding things. Also, stop giving her money to fight you with… control the spend – this will go on for a long time it appears.
Proving she is an unfit mother is hard work and is not something that happens in court – you need police and social services to make that decision. Your on a dirt road to nowhere if you think proving her allegation a lie will get you custody. You need to have evidence that she is harming the kids. But, this is something no parent really wants is it… if she is harming the kids, then get them safe ASAP!
I completely agree with Observer1000. Spot on advice. Build the next steps with the mother now – saves pain and anguish later.
Good luck and keep us informed.
BTW, its takes some time to understand but never accept the sexism in this father hating system.
This is all about how you two settle this. Try not to let solicitors get to involved and rack up bills for you both.
My experience of divorce was: the mother got the kids and house and we split everything else 50/50. Assuming you do not start to have visitation and other angry issues between you both is might be the default setting with most solicitors.Start the negotiation with her now and involve solicitors as little as possible or until you need them.
None of what you bought independently matter once you get married – everything is owned equally between you. In my divorce, my ex locked down everything and started calling the police daily – I eventually just gave her everything to make the HELL stop…
Ok, there is a lot here.
These are my thoughts and only my thoughts (you will know best: You do not need to fight for custody as there is no order in place – you could just take your son and make a safe home for him and she would have fight you for custody. Do NOT assume that the child just belongs to this Psycho.
Think of what is best for the child and act! don’t worry about anything else – once there is an order or agreement in place that says she is resident parent you are cooked. The only that will save you is her going nuts – but this will harm the child (so a double edged sword).Speak with her parents and try to work out an agreement with them over the safety of the child.
Call social services to say your separated unstable wife has absconded with your child and there is a huge risk of harm – give evidence. Tell them you are the resident parent.
Get the tax credit or any other benefit for the child in your name, make sure gov.uk knows you are the parent – this will help later.
Get visitation any way you can and never stop seeing your son (although I would take him away from that horrible situation ASAP and take him home).this is a hard on but if you play by the assumed father rules – you will lose your son to this woman. Do what she would do and turn the table now before its too late. I would also let her parent know – but only after you have done it.
Just my advice. I have seen this before and it is a sad situation. Sorry if this was not what you were expecting.
Have you considered court. It will cost about £215 and there are lots of advice about how to get it started on this forum.
Mediation is the first step and you ex will have to play ball, a little.
This is a crucial time to build some sort of relationship with your ex. Don’t assume that you will go to court and win at the first try … I strongly suggest making an agreement with her now and the slowly build on it to make a better arrangement. The longer you go without seeing your child the harder it is to get visitation started again.
-
AuthorPosts
