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Hi darren1962, thanks for the quick reply mate. Its good to feel supported as it’s a lonely place to be when the whole system seems to be against us. I’m sorry you are going through an awful time too.
I’m afraid my kid has been alienated from me so won’t even see me, so no chance of reducing payments by having her stay with me for a part of the week. I’ll look at alternatives as you said…thanks againHi darren62, thanks for your reply. I’m sorry i couldn’t find this post for some time so couldn’t reply earlier. Yes I agree, it’s hard to find any advice that cannot be written down lol. I don’t wish to do anything illegal, but it is an unjust exploitative system and I want to fight it. Stopping work seems to be the only way now. Do you know how long the CMS can enforce payments for, up to what age of the child?
My own experience of this was that my ex delayed and delayed the financial disclosure until the very day of the Court hearing.The Court took a ‘broad brush approach’ to her finances and only seemed to concentrate on my earnings and pension, and how she should be handed over a significant chunk of it. She played games such as creating two accounts, one with HSBC and one with Santander, and moving money between them, so that for a given period of say the past 2-3 years, she would show one set of statements or the other, but never both. I complained about the fact that she was obviously moving money around, including into her older child’s university bank account (my step daughter, who is estranged from me) but the Court did not pursue it to the extent of asking how an 18 year old could be ‘lending her mum’ £400-500 a time.
I don’t think it is legal to redact or exclude some parts of the disclosure, but they do get away with it – so stand your ground and refuse to reveal your details unless he shows all of hers. It was too late for me to learn to play the game, and consequently her pleading poverty in spite of having a successful business worked and I lost a huge chunk of my pension + was asked to pay maintenance cash for 3 years.Does anyone know how to stop exploitation of fathers for money by ex-wives who use the CMS? My ex has a good salary but mine is much more, so she has gone part-time and enjoys an extraordinary amount of tax free money from me thanks to the CMS. I hold a senior position with specialised skills in a key profession, and am paid well accordingly. CMS is using the gross/pre-tax income to calculate what should go to my ex, and refuses to find out what she earns ‘because that’s the law’. My ex has a wonderful lifestyle now, with lots of alcohol, dates at expensive restaurants, going to the races, etc – all thanks to me. Very little of what I pay goes toward looking after my child. Should I just give up my job, and let society lose the skills I have?! That seems to be the only way.
Hello, thank you for this useful post.
My daughter is almost 16 and has an eating disorder (anorexia). She has been alienated from me by her mother, even though she has been close to me for most of her life. We had an informal shared care arrangement in place which was stopped over a year ago after a prolonged campaign of alienation by her mother. She, and almost certainly her mother, has told CAMHS (Child and Adolescent mental Health Services) not to involve me in any aspect of her care and that I should not be given any information. CAMHS are quoting ‘Gillick competence’ and ‘patient confidentiality’ to block me out. Does this not apply only if she refuses treatment?
Please could you advise me on what my rights/responsibilities are, as her dad? I’m named on her birth certificate and she still has my surname.
Her mother is a functional alcoholic and is active enabling her Anorexia – this is beneficial to her as she gets more child maintenance as a result. I’d be grateful for any advice and help.
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