[jazilianParticipant]

Read the Forum Stickys and other peoples posts… This is what helped me get where i am.
Its a Looong process but stick with it… the more of us that do and come out on top will pave the way for others.

[jazilianParticipant]

In short from my little experience.. u are on the right track.
This nearly mirrors my experience.. EXACT SAME ALLEGATIONS only differences is that my ex is not registered as mentally ill and she did not flee to a woman refuge.. I left before she made any of her allegations.

I made application for custody and the gave me contact interim.. I refused a contact centre because unable to pay (Plus i applied for financial support for the court to pay for all my applications) and there was no reason for concern or risk to my child.
so i had my daughter (5-6 months old) for 2 hours a week in my home.

I have been told that this decision made by the courts was a very rare one..??

to avoid me repeating, here is my post detailing my journey so far. Hope it helps and good luck. Peace

So far: Weekly Contact, false allegations, solicitor professionally embarassed

[jazilianParticipant]

also build your case. log everything with dates, pictures, messages.. anything that can defend you against false allegations she may have made or will make

[jazilianParticipant]

Sorry to hear this is happening to the kids and you.

first things first, apply for mediation.. i paid about £130 at the time.. if she refuses (in mt case), the mediator usuals give 2 weeks allowance before writing her off as non compliant.. making you eligible to apply to court for child contact or custody..
read through the forums stickys and mine and others peoples experience. I posted https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/forums/topic/so-far-weekly-contact-false-allegations-solicitor-professionally-embarassed/

I hope the info helps. Peace

[jazilianParticipant]

Thanks Big Ted, I try to pop in here every now n then.. trying to post regularly since it can be really dead at times.. months with no replies.

Glad you are making progres. Just keep up and try avoid the potholes along the way.

Update:: I just completed the police report/interview about exs false allegations.. (2yrs worth).
They said the will investigate and check her record (s). Depending on that the MAY arrest her but at minimum they will attend her property and give her a warning.

I told them she has the committal hearing coming up for being in contempt of court (disobeying orders).. And a custody hearing thereafter..

SO I guess I will leave it all up to them.

I have seen my daughter now a couple of times since last hearing each week for 3 hours unsupervised. I collect her and return her.

It has been an amazing experience being a fatger seeing her grow and meet her family.. Although the mother has caused us to miss so much.

My daughter does not see all the conflict.. She just loves her daddy and grandma and family. Its a damn shame that the bitter mother cannot see that.

Peace.

[jazilianParticipant]

IF no fact of evidence has been found behind the allegations and or no further action (nfa) then the court have to move forward with the contact (this is what I would be saying)..

Right now.. my ex has a long list of allegations over the 2 years this matter has been in court… She had barristers and solicitors… The first barrister made her withdraw her application based on the evidences I provided..

Example 1. She said I was stalking her on a particular date. I provided travel docs (oyster etc.)

Example 2. She said I wasnt present during pregnancy and it was an abusive relationship. I provide picturesome ofor her at family gatherings at all stages of her pregnancy.. I copied and pasted entire WhatsApp and text messages around the time the abuse she said was supposed to take place.

Right now.. I am in the process of making counter allegations to her false one.. I think it’s called reporting someone for malicious allegations.. Still learning.

Sorry to hear.. But regardless of your ex’s representation the court still need to focus on what the kids want.. so frustrating. I wish I had a better solution for you…

Other than you find out what child rights are being violated by the mother and the courts action and then put it in writing.

[jazilianParticipant]

So your original application was for contact?
And u made further applications like enforcement orders?
How many apps have you made to warrant this action?

Does not ur child want to see you?

It’s really not about the mother.. It’s about the child/children.. And even when a child does not want to see a non resident parent.. The court should still direct the cafcass or social service to investigate this and find out why…?
It is the mothers Job to support the relationship with the child and father.

In my situation my ex, just the other day tried to break down in court claiming that she has flashbacks when she is in the same room as me.. Which is why she did not want to agree to mediation ordered by the court….

Let’s just say the judge was having NONE of it.

Although in my case.. The ex has breached order’s many times and has continuously made false allegations… But I dealt with all that right at the start in my statements with evidence.

[jazilianParticipant]

Hey guys.. wow over a year ago I made this!
I just worked out how to find my previous posts.

I must say your replies have helped me GREATLY. . Even reading them again now.. Thanks again

I just posted an update on my case. Here it is.

Peace.

::

Hi guys,

I posted here a couple of times a while back.
I am still litigating in person for custody of my daughter who is now 2.
Initially I was going to make an application for contact when the relationship ended 2 years ago during late pregnancy due to X’s radical stance and child abusive history of her older child now in early teens not to mention other things…

I made an application for custody after X tried to make a non molesting order with false allegations. She failed and withdrew at the next hearing after I wrote my statements with evidence.

At my hearing The court looked at allegations from both sides and dismissed them and set up contact for 2 hours each week unsupervised at my home or wherever my choosing. My daughter was 5-6 months at the time.

This lasted 8 months with the mother missing sessions, making allegations of child harm and stalking. It was brought back to the magistrates a couple of times.. But it finally ended when the mothers then solicitor (3rd).. resigned on the grounds of professional embarrassment… (Basically she f…ed up)..
And the mother denied contact on my daughters 1st birthday and from there on.. The X is also fanatically religious and does not celebrate birthdays.

A total of of over 2 dozen orders were made by actual judges with penal notices etc. And the mother refused to appear in court.. And not allow contact with our daughter.
The mother believes in this “Freeman on the land” conspiracy (Google it).. She has sent numerous letters to the courts and professionals involved claiming her “sovereignty” and that she does not believe the court has any authority.. She has referee to our daugter as her “legal property”

THE court so far have ignored here rhetoric in their actions.

It finally went in front of a district judge a couple of times.. Mother continues to breach orders and not appear in court.

So the judge made a committal order.. And further contact arrangements toward change of custody due to the mothers non compliance and longterm harm to our daughter by destroying the relationship between her and her paternal family.

To cut it short
The mother appeared at the committal hearing and the judge adjourned till the end of the year providing mother adhere to present contact order (15-16th one..?)

So a couple weeks ago I see my daughter for the 1st time in about a year for 2 hrs in two sessions at a contact centre unsupervised. .. It was supposed to be 4hrs in 4 weekly sessions. . But the mother breached order yet again.. This shoddy arrangement was made by the now legal child guardian and child solicitor both appointed by the court during proceedings… But to give them credit; by their guidelines they did their best to arrange a conflict free temporary contact arrangement so that I could rebuild relationship with our daughter. And the mother did not want contact at all … It did seem like they were pandering to her… But I think there is a bigger picture to be looked at.

So it went back to court and the judge handed the mother her ass. .. The judge added the recent breaches to the upcoming committal hearing.. And re arranged contact for 3 hrs weekly to start where I pick up my daughter via her 3rd party… This shold happen this weekend but I feel that the mother will breach again

What else do guys think I can do? I hope this/my info can help anybody or anybody can help me.

I read an article a while back about a judge saying that there should be a “3-strike rule” to prevent mothers abusing the system like this… I wish I could use this somehow to bring about change… tired of this shit

Ps. The mother also runs with and is Heavily influenced by this group called “Kilburn Unemployed Work Group” or “KUWG”… Some of their members have attended recent hearings in support of theach mother and on occasions have facilitated contact handover… Me and my family have been intimidated my them on more than 1 occasion.. I even have videos to prove it.. No doubt that the mother has lied to them, and I must be the wickedest thing in their eye… But I can’t believe that they support what she is doing.. I am at a loss….

Peace

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by  jazilian.

[jazilianParticipant]

Ask for the child to be assessed by a child psychologist?

Do you think the mother is influencing the child?.. All these questions need to be addressed by the court… What are they there for? Smh

Sorry to hear… my daughter is 2 and only just resumed contact after 9 months of breached orders.. currently awaiting custody hearing and committal hearing for mother..

Reading this is helping me to prepare to avoid the mother poisoning our daughter against me.. Which she has done with her older son according to social service report…

Thanks and am sorry to hear.. I hope it is going well. Comment back..

Dead in here.

Peace.

[jazilianParticipant]

I felt the same way but I have been in court reppinh for 2 years and read up and all this bullshit from then till now and I feel I am making some progress.

This forums info has helped me tremendously but not from the replies. But actually reading the sticky notes.

I complained here and an admin explained that they are fighting the same battles and learning at the same time.. even from my posts.

My advice is FOLLOW ALL THEIR DIRECTIONS.. It is going to be a long ass haul… The courts are understaffed and the professionals (cafcass, social services, local authorities).. Will all pander to the resident mother… No matter how wrong she is. IN their mind they are working for the best interests of the children

It will be your job to fight for the rights of your child to a stable relationship with its paternal family which the mother is denying… log everything and make statements each time they require you to.. usually 2 weeks before a hearing… If the mother keeps breaching the terms of the order(s) and you have enforced the original order.. The court will begin the process of serving the mother until she appears to court.. usually she will have breached many times by the time she turns up to court.. They will prob ably then set another contact arrangement with cafcas involved and try again… This can be very looong and repetitive… so keep focused… the more of us that do this.. eventually they will have to bring in a 3 strike rule as one high court judge stated some years ago.

I am currently getting contact again with my 2 year old daughter for 3 hours a week unsuoervised.. after 9 months of no contact and mother breaching orders… More than 2 dozens contempts of court.. There will be a “committal” hearing for her where the court say they will make her do prison time, fine or unpaid work.. There will be a hearing after that for “change of residence” to decide whether my daughter should love with me.

During this case the courts assigned a child solicitor and a legal guardian (cafcass) to act in her best interests in court since the mother refused to deal with them earlier in the same case.

The battle continues..

HOPE it all goes well.. Still comment and ask questions.

Peace

[jazilianParticipant]

It’s a looong ass process… Read the stickys and other forum posts… Keep up with the custody order application.. And follow all their directions.. Make sure you have a solid proposal and remember to put the childrens interests first.

Why is it better that they live with you rather than their mother.. That is what you will have to show the court.
Use any evidence you have and log EVERYTHING.

In my situation they made contact orders interim/during the hearings.. While they decide.. They will ask you for statements at dispute resolution hearings etc… cafcass or local authorities will conduct investigations on you both and they will find the criminal records… anything outside of four years may not be considered depending on the nature of the crime.

Peace

[jazilianParticipant]

I think it is the resident parent that has the final say on anything dietary. Medical wise both parents need to be in agreement and or permission from non resident parent.

I had to seek a court order to get an unagreeable ex to conform to a child access arrangement..

You have to go through mediation first and they have to agree that the matter cannot be settled outside of court.

Get them to write a letter should you decide going through the courts is the last solution.

[jazilianParticipant]

I never heard of that. .
Sorry to hear.. Is it possible for you to disclose here the reasons why the judge made this order, without incriminating yourself.

Thanks

[jazilianParticipant]

When I first went 2 Court when my ex denied access to our newborn 2 years ago I applied for full custody because the ex has made false allegations in an attenpt to get a non molestation order Prior.
I represented myself and submitted my statements prior to the hearing (non molestation) counteracting her allegations step by step along with evidence such as pictures Oyster card journeys another proofs showing that my ex was either lying or fabricating stories. Her then barrister quickly withdrew the application and the case was dismissed.
I then made the application for full custody of our daughter in front of a magistrates court. My reasons were because my ex was physically and mentally abusive to her older son and she was incapable of co-parenting.
They found no facts to any of the allegations from both sides and gave me access for two hours weekly interim unsupervised. I would pick up my daughter through a third party.

This was 2 years ago and my ex has been fighting tooth and nail to stop the Contact and the relationship between my daughter and her paternal family.

She continued to miss sessions and make allegations which I always counteracted in my statements made to the court at dispute resolution hearings.. along with any evidence.

My ex then stopped contact for about 9 months after her solicitors resigned and all her allegations were dismissed.

The last bunch of hearings were in front of Judges and a district judge. At present the judge who made an application for her committal which will deal with her contempts of Court and whether she will be sent to prison, unpaid work or fined depending on her means.

One thing that I have always said and always reiterated in my statement is that my daughter has the right to have a relationship with her father and paternal family and that is what I am fighting for.
After all the Cafcass social service and local authority are looking out for the best interest of the child not the father’s sadly.

Peace

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by  jazilian.

[jazilianParticipant]

Thanks! !!

In my situation we are married but separated before birth of our child.
Mother denies contact, registered child’s name as her maiden name although she is still married.

Am currently still in court…. Do I write the judge and ask for this to be brought up at the next hearing? Or do I make a separate application with relevant forms?

Am currently just resumed contact after a year of mothers breaches.. In court next for her committal and change of residence.

Peace and thanks.

[Author]

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