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Hi Dean,
I’ve been here and I’m interested to hear how you got on.
The trouble is, both of you have parental authority. In my case, I was due to collect my son from school at the usual time and my ex arrived at the school before me (about 1pm) and seized him. I called my lawyer and had to obtain an injunction.
I don’t understand why some parents, and it seems to be nearly exclusively the mothers, feel as though they are able to act with impunity and to assert predominance in making decisions over a child of whom they share care with the other parent.
Tom is right regarding the Police. They will act to keep the peace, and you need a witness with you in any potentially aggravating situation, to protect yourself from allegations and accusations.
February 8, 2017 at 12:07 am in reply to: Wife alleged coersion and control, on bail now have not seen baby for over month #7442If you haven’t already, you need to see a solicitor who specialises in family law.
How do you know what the allegations are? Do you have a written copy of what has been said about you? You may file a Subject Access Request (SAR) to the Police HQ, enclosing your cheque for £10 and asking for all records held on you, and your son.
Social services will be rude and abrupt with you, it comes with the territory, I’m afraid. Speak calmly and slowly when dealing with them. Always be polite. Sweetness and light.
What allegation are they making that mean he might be at risk with you?
The longer this goes on, the longer the current situation of you not seeing you son will become the status quo. Therefore you need to move quickly, and speak to a solicitor first thing in the morning.
Hello,
On what basis are these demands being made?
You need to repudiate any demands and continually state, like a broken record, that your shared parenting agreement stands.
Always be polite and always think of what is in your daughter’s best interests.
Why has F4J become a shadow of its former days?
I’d happily don a latex suit and join a protest.
It sounds like you want a Specific Issue Order, an injunction preventing flight to the USA and disrupting the welfare of your child.
You can file for this yourself, it will cost a few hundred pounds. Be prepared to write a witness statement of numbered paragraphs to support your application.
This is the worst case scenario but also the one that solicitors often encourage women to do.
All of the above advice from Tom is spot on, and especially – ESPECIALLY take note of the above line.
Hi Tom,
I’m not frequent here, but do check back from time to time. I think this is a missed opportunity. Modern Feminism does not equal equality, so I wouldn’t fancy my chances going to a protest on my own!
Where is everybody?
£30 is fine. It does act as a filter but my expectation was something more, too. Matt and Nadine have done / are doing a great job raising the profile but it feels like a drop in the ocean sometime. I’m happy to donate towards costs, however us cash-stricken fathers might not be the best at funding PR campaigns while going through a crap time of our own.
I concur with Tom and Green above.
No, you cannot insist things of the court.
The witness statement of Avry
1. I met the Applicant and I were married for X years, blah blah, separated in Y after, blah..
2. x
3. x
4. x
….
20. I would ask the court that, blah
Signed
February 6, 2017 at 3:51 pm in reply to: My ex alleged that I sexually assaulted my daughter, the case was dropped but… #7427“Neighbours of my ex say…”
… in writing?
Ask them to put that in writing for you.
Wow, I’m so sorry.
And well done on putting money aside in a bank account for your daughter.
Controlling exes are fairly common, I’m afraid and it’s apparent from many F4J stories that some of them will take the controlling behaviour beyond a court order — i.e. disregarding it anyway.
I recommend speaking to a Solicitor who specialises in family law about this situation and that you find some way to spend more time with your daughter; she’s young enough to not remember you otherwise.
Why does your ex partner have full control over “access” to your daughter? Presumably, she’s scared that you won’t hand her back to her when your contact time has come to an end.
Sorry to hear this, Andrew.
You might find it useful and cathartic to read, “The Cheaters Script”;
Once you have, you’ll realise that you are not alone.
Next, how long have you not seen your son? It sounds like you’ve seen him perhaps an average of once a month for the last six months. You need to remedy this urgently as children benefit from access to both parents to thrive.
How do you know that she has told the school allegations about you? Do you have this in writing?
Texting him twice a day – 180 unanswered text messages? Does seem a bit much. Are you blocked on his phone? Perhaps you could call her and ask to speak to him and invite him out for the weekend for some father-son time?
Hi,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation and I can empathise.
Be an awesome dad, and yes spend as much time with your son as you can. Courts taking “children’s wishes and feelings” into account will only cause stress as the battle becomes one of who can program and persuade the child(ren) with their (adult) wishes the best. The antidote to this is to not put any pressure at all on your children. Take away every single piece of pressure that you perceive that they have, so that their time with you is relaxed and unpressured.
Keep that up, it’s a long game, and they’ll eventually see things for themselves.
Also, you should be aware that Cafcass appear to have a documented bias against fathers. Once you’ve been through it you’ll pick this up from their literature quite quickly. Try to be balanced at all times even though it’s a longer and more costly road, you’ll be able to sleep better at night for taking it.
Okay, a few things that I can add here…
1. Family courts rarely (if ever) award “legal fees” as costs. Your legal fees will be your own.
2. Don’t agree to anything yet until you’ve had time to consider and discuss with a friend.
3. Concur re McKenzie friend. Ideally someone with experience. (Note: I’d quite like to set up a network of McKenzie styled friends where we offer support to one another).
4. Record everything, and be utterly reasonable and expect the other party to be reasonable. When the other party isn’t reasonable (reality check with a friend that this is really the case), call out.
5. It might be worth starting Anciliary Relief Proceedings. You’ll have to state some basic financials on the divorce anyway. You’ll both need to file sworn affidavits to the court with everything on it. Note, all your bank statements will be visible, so don’t spend recklessly. Live like a monk.
6. Make sure you see your kids. The other party may try to “poison” them against you over time. Then you’ll have a parental alienation fight.
7. NEVER EVER DISCUSS ANY OF THESE MATTERS WITH YOUR KIDS.
8. As above. It’s so important to think of their best interests at all times.
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