The ‘agony’ of being a 50/50 mother? Oh please. It’s called equality – and fathers deserve their share just as much as women
Stand By Your Manhood author Peter Lloyd hits back at mums upset with 50/50 access.
‘The idea of equality seems to have come as a shock to some mothers,’ says Matt O’Connor, who founded Fathers4Justice in 2001 and, 15 years on, is still battling to get equal parenting for both parents enshrined in law.
Just when you think the modern gender debate can’t descend any further into toe-curling incredulity, something else emerges to surprise you.
So you can imagine my delight when I read yesterday’s article in FEMAIL about the ‘agony’ of women having to consider their children’s fathers as equal parents.
No doubt struggling to be heard over the swell of sympathy violins, three mothers all bemoaned the inconvenience of 50/50 access, implying that dads should be neither seen, nor heard – except when coughing up child support, of course.
One summed it up when she said: ‘I know the girls have to see their dad, but at the end of the day I’m a mother who has to somehow learn to stop being a mother for half of my life.
‘I’m not sure I can ever come to terms with that. I don’t know many mothers who could.’
My response? BOO-HOO. Not just because their grievances were focused on themselves, rather than their own kids, but ‘cos men have been dealing with this crap for decades without any sympathy from the sisterhood. Given that a child is produced by BOTH parents, meaning they are never just ‘hers’ – only ‘theirs’ – these mothers have no right to assume such entitlement.
Moreover, 50/50 access is basic equality. If these women don’t like it they should either A) not have children or B) only get pregnant with a willing sperm donor who has already relinquished his human rights in advance.
That may sound gauche, but it’s true. Besides, men have long suffered parental alienation at the hands of vindictive exes who become ‘pawn’ stars when separation strikes – using their children as a weapon to enact revenge for a broken heart. Now, they’re getting a taste of their own medicine and they don’t like it.
It’s not just ordinary people who are affected. In recent weeks alone we’ve seen Madonna embroiled in an ugly family spat, while Kate Winslet also got into hot water for dissing equal dad involvement.
So, for all their declarations of girl power, it’s a bit rich that they’re moaning now.
When I wrote about this hypocrisy in my book, Stand by Your Manhood I met countless fathers who were suicidal because of such behaviour, including James Blunt’s brother-in-law, Fathers4Justice campaigner Guy Harrison.
When the relationship with his first daughter’s mother soured, he gave her more than £125,000 in child maintenance but still wasn’t allowed any access to his little girl, Isabella.
To this day he hasn’t seen her for 15 long years, despite spending an extra £50,000 on 38 court appearances, all of which were pointless because judges will not jail mothers who flout formal access orders. He became so depressed that he had a shotgun in his mouth – and very nearly pulled the trigger.
Sadly, this is the rule – not the exception, with fathers frequently left so desperate they resort to scaling buildings in protest.
So how on earth can these women be so selfish to think this behaviour is acceptable? Let me tell you: the answer is modern feminism. Yep, what was once about basic equality of opportunity is now (and I quote yesterday’s article) pre-occupied with the ‘upper hand’.
Together, their approach is shamelessly Orwellian: ‘everybody’s equal, but some people are more equal than others’.
Don’t believe me? Look at the facts. 100 years ago, while women who were campaigning for the vote, large numbers of working class men couldn’t vote either – but the suffragettes only campaigned for women’s emancipation. Sadly, since then little has changed.
In the 50 years that feminism has become the social and political status quo, it has done nothing to tackle the countless big issues faced by today’s men – the soaring life expectancy gap fuelled by unequal NHS spending, the school system failing boys, the criminal sentencing gap, paternity fraud, circumcision, unfair divorce rulings, female-on-male domestic violence and false rape allegations.
Seriously, us blokes must be the worst oppressors in history.
But, because feminism teaches women they’re perennial victims and deserve whatever they desire, the bare-faced cheek of being selfish with a child’s parental relationship seems utterly acceptable.
When you add to this the fact that family breakdown annually costs us £44billion – yep, more than the defence budget – it’s complete madness. Which is precisely why these women need a wake-up call. Because, until their spoilt-brat belief system changes, there will be countless more unhappy children who suffer as a consequence.
‘The idea of equality seems to have come as a shock to some mothers,’ says Matt O’Connor, who founded Fathers4Justice in 2001 and, 15 years on, is still battling to get equal parenting for both parents enshrined in law.
‘Like pregnancy, you can’t have a little bit of equality. You either have it, or you don’t.
‘There are four million UK children living in fatherless homes. In some inner cities up to 80 per cent of families have no dad. According to our own figures we estimate that 200 children lose contact with their dads every day in secret courts.
‘The agony of mums who surrender time for children to see their own dads is insignificant to the the living bereavement that estranged fathers go through.
‘For most dads, 50/50 parenting is a distant dream as they live the nightmare of being separated from children they love and desperately miss. Just imagine the pain of waiting every two weeks just to see your child for a single night? And just imagine if the roles were reversed, the outcry there would be if mothers were treated the same way as fathers?
‘Women can’t have it both ways. If they believe in equality and responsible parenting, they have to support shared parenting’.
Sadly, this also means that well-meaning men who support the Women’s Equality Party’s Sophie Walker in London’s mayoral race are turkeys voting for Christmas.
And, if they tolerate it, their children will be next.
As maddening as it was, yesterday’s article was a stark wake-up call for anyone who thinks feminism is truly about gender equity.
Until it evolves into something that also sets men free, it is just trade unionism for women.
Sorry ladies, but – when it comes to parenthood – it’s time to surrender your female privilege.
