Turn Anger Into Strength. Matt O’Connor Interview, Men’s Health Magazine, October 2013. Out now!
The fight that defined me. Nine extraordinary men explain how they battled through war, genocide and despair. Their message: you are built to survive and – with them in your corner – guaranteed to win.
Featuring Lionel Messi, Peter Hain, Peter Sheath, Andrew Solomon, Chris Ryan, Matt O’Connor, Ben Helfgott, Tom Staniford and Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Matt O’Connor, Rights Campaigner. Turn anger into strength.
After a difficult divorce and custody battle, O’Connor set up the Fathers4Justice campaign, known for protests in which fathers dress as superheroes and scale national landmarks.
“You don’t expect it to happen to you. You have this belief that the justice system works. You assume you’ve got rights. Then you’re told you can only see your kids at a time prescribed by the courts. The shock paralyses you. You’re crushed; defeated on every level.
“The closest I came to ending it was one night on Waterloo Bridge (Jack Daniels was my spiritual advisor at the time; he’s long since been sacked). Wondering whether to jump, I made a list of reasons not to carry on, which was long. On the other side were the reasons to carry on: the names of my two sons, Daniel and Alexander. That was the turning point.
“I went back to court and said I would walk away; that it would kill me if I didn’t. That turned my ex-wife’s view on it. She realised what it meant. Two weeks later, the kids were up to see me. At that point, I decided to do something constructive. It had been a traumatic experience and I wanted to turn it into something positive. Instead of jumping off bridges, perhaps we could climb them.
“As a society, we’re still conditioned to think fathers are indestructible. You have to admit mistakes. I’ve been on the humble pie diet for a long time, but if it means a peaceful resolution, do it. Don’t be eaten up by hatred. Never hate your ex more than you love your children.”
YOUR FIGHT STRATEGY
O’Connor started winning when he turned his struggle into something constructive. “It gives you confidence, one of the pillars of resilience,” says Professor Gary Cooper. If you can’t solve your own problem, focus on someone else’s.
